When things end
It really hurts when things end. Our hearts were not designed to cope with loss easily, because the nature of the heart is to possess. To own things. To have things. While in reality, nothing in this world belongs to us. That is why Islam came with certain rules, with only one lesson: detachment.
Pray five times a day? To detach from worldly life's routine. You're in meeting and your brain is occupied with presentation, results, and analysis, but then you have to stop, get up from your chair, wash some parts of your body, and pray.
Fasting? To detach from desire; food, bad languages, vain speeches, you name it.
Zakat? To detach from your money, from things that we taught is our own.
Hajj? You leave everything behind to live in a tent under the sky. You leave the job, the family, the kids, the houses, the cars, the vehicles, everything.
It is all form of detachment, because worldly thing to possess is only cause us pain. Who wants pain? We all wanna be happy, right? We keep saying that "I'm just wanna be happy" and yet holding dunya so close to our heart.
Hold this dunya just in the palm of our hands and not the hearts, therefore, when we lose it, we only experience loss on our hand and not by heart.
I write this as a self reminder for my self, in case there will come a day someone with a good heart and pure intention show up in my life again. I made mistakes, and it hurts so bad when I have to let it go. I do not want it to end, but I know holding on to things that is not meant to be for us, is just delaying heart break, which eventually will come bigger if I'm not letting it go now. I should probably not welcome it in the first place, but who would've known this is how it will get.
I am grateful for the amazing 4 months. The longest I could stay with someone I never met in person. He is such a great guy, kind, and smart. But he's just a guy, and I'm just a woman, and sometimes things got twisted between what I want and what he wants and who should be the one to compromise.
Ah I remember, last July, was the biggest heart break I had, which led me into using dating app and so on so forth. Never thought that the pattern hasn't healed. I still have another heart break in another July.
Sunday, 23 July 2023