What do I do when I missed you?
|I texted you while driving, and captured this pictures while driving. For you.|
When I missed you, the first thing I do is to look at our old pictures. The moments when we were still together, laughing, and teasing each other.
Oh but wait, I don’t have that. Because we’ve never been together in person. I only have the recording from our video calls, when you laughed so hard while I was talking about your new place plan. You were laughing at me, cause you think it’s funny. But I think it’s cute.
What do I do when I missed you but cant look at our photos? I re-read our old conversations. You were a fast responder back then when you were still trying to win me. And I fell for that. I let you in. I welcome you in.
Oh but wait, I have deleted them all now. I have nothing left from what used to be “us” and “ours”. Nothing. I have to delete them. Because it’s too painful for me to read the messages from the last few weeks, when you treated me like garbage.
What do I do when I missed you but can’t re-read our old texts? I looked at your instagram profile. Just to see who you follow and who follows you back. You dont have much to post there, only the moment when you came to that continent.
Oh but wait. I can’t do that too, because I have blocked you. I blocked you, boss.. I did. The first person I ever blocked out of anger.
What do I do when I missed you but can’t see anything from you?
I pray. I pray for you. I talk to God about you. I pray so God protects you from everything and make easy on everything for you. Whether we are designed to be together or not, I thank God for sending me you, including the pain you caused. I learned from there. My walls were in pieces and so does my heart. I learn to rebuild them all, putting the pieces back together, alone again. But it is all worthy. As I get to cross path with you and know you in this dunya.
Here’s to the sunset picture I wish to share with you. A route I wish to travel with you. I believe Allah’s plan is better than our plan. So here’s to the memory we never made, plans that will cease to happen, and heart that has been broken. M Y Boss.
ID, 31 July 2023.