Minimalist Indonesia

  Was it ever real between me and you? I don’t know.. you tell me! Why do I have to be the one who define this? You started it.. Because you want it. I don’t care.. Oh so you don’t care? All these times.. you never care? … What’s the silence? Hilma, please.. what else do you want to talk about? You’re avoiding me again. How can I communicate with you if you keep shutting me down whenever things get hard? This is too fast for me. I’m not ready! Yeah so why? Why you started it and requesting “boyfriend privilege” if you’re not ready for another relationship? Why you have to make me believe that I’m special to you if you have no intention to maintain it? What am I, a toy?  Ah okay, if like this I should hang up. Assalamualaikum. *** Virtual world, no date, 2023.

  What do I do when I still missed you after two days removing you from my life? I pray. I take it to my prayer. I made du’a after prayer. And I cry. I hope you are alright. I hope you realise that everything I did, was never to accuse you of doing something wrong. Everything I asked, is because I genuinely wanna know and not hiding follow up questions to attack you. I care about you, even though I try my best not to fall in love with you. And I miss you so.. much. It even hurts more than when you ignored me for 24 hours. I don’t like being ignored, but I could understand if only we are closer.  What do I do when I really missed you? I return this feeling back to Allah. I pray that may my attachment feeling can only be attached to Him and not to you. May Allah helps me removing this feeling from you, but still in the care of His protection. My feeling for you.. I return it to the Ar-Rahmah.  I miss you so much it hurts. I can only pray. And pray. And pray. That’s what I do whenever I w