Showing posts from March, 2021

Falling in Love with Boredom

Being Twenty Nine, Day One. This is probably the most 'normal' birthday I had for the past five years. No over enthusiasm, no fake laugh, just plainly and calmly, and the people who celebrate my birthdays, are the real ones. I don't have to remind them that it's my birthday (which I always did annoyingly and proudly), because now.. is the first time in five years since that trauma.. I feel like.. healing. The only reason why I exaggerate my birthday was because he left right before it. He brought me a huge teddy bear, one that I always wanted, left it on the door, and never returned. Now, the teddy is gone, tetangga's sister was asking to adopt him and I gave it to her happily. I no longer have any expectation on what may comes next, and just focus on what I can change with my effort. This is a new kind of relieve.. one tranquility I don't have to fake. And besides.. I spent the 'day' firstly at twelve a.m.. di bengkel ketok mejik Pekayon! >.< Jadi

But did Maryam know?

  She was born a saint, her childhood was spent in the chamber. Serving God.. that's what she's been told. An obedient girl she is, obeying the rule without ever questioning. She is devoting her life to Allah, and content with it.  Until she carries a child. A fatherless child. Fatherless as she know, but not with society. They judge her, despise her, called her sinner, called her a disgrace to the community. A saint woman was once wish to be dead. Under Palm Dates Tree, she is wishing for death. Death is much more preferred to me now, she said which we recites loudly slowly beautifully in the Quran now. A saint woman, whose entire life is devoted to serve God.. is wishing to die while delivering the baby.  Now we read her story and just know it. We know she is strong enough to face the trial. We know now that she is one of the most honoured women of all humanity. But the question is.. did she know?  When she finds out her pregnancy, did she know that she will be strong enough