But did Maryam know?
She was born a saint, her childhood was spent in the chamber. Serving God.. that's what she's been told. An obedient girl she is, obeying the rule without ever questioning. She is devoting her life to Allah, and content with it.
Until she carries a child. A fatherless child. Fatherless as she know, but not with society. They judge her, despise her, called her sinner, called her a disgrace to the community. A saint woman was once wish to be dead. Under Palm Dates Tree, she is wishing for death. Death is much more preferred to me now, she said which we recites loudly slowly beautifully in the Quran now. A saint woman, whose entire life is devoted to serve God.. is wishing to die while delivering the baby.
Now we read her story and just know it. We know she is strong enough to face the trial. We know now that she is one of the most honoured women of all humanity. But the question is.. did she know?
When she finds out her pregnancy, did she know that she will be strong enough to raise the kid? We know now that Allah has trusted her that much that she could get through this, but she didn't know yet, right?
She didn't know that her son will be one of the most powerful Prophet who will end the war of the Final Day. She didn't know how strong she is when she's wishing for death under the palm tree. But we know. And Allah knows.
In our own situation right now.
We are begging for Him to end our life. Or to end our hardship. Because all we need is just a few of His grace, a tiny bit of His grace and that will do. So we keep begging and begging, day and night, for His blessing to come.
But we still have to keep waiting. Over and over again.
We think we're not that strong, we cry and ask for forgiveness. We want this to end, but we don't know how.
And so does Maryam. She didn't know any of the blessing and grace that will fall upon her when she face all that. We know her from the story, we know how it ends, but she didn't. And she live anyway, continue her journey, do what she must, and be kind to people still.
We can never guess our story will end like her. There might be a chance that we will be gloomy forever. All we know is to start live with it. Deal with that. Embrace that. Life couldn't and wouldn't get any easier just because this ends now. There are thousands of pages we have to turn with tears and blood.
You just have to set your mind. Hit that reset button, and start to think to yourself; this will all be worth it in the end, but we don't have to figure how.
Bogor, 3 Maret 2021