Minimalist Indonesia

  Dear A, As it turns out, I never knew love until I met you. All I have experienced were all just transactional love, or selfish love. I didn't know that if I love a person in an exchange of they do something for me, was not love at all. Love is something that I give without expecting anything, and I never able to do that.  When you keep saying I don't understand you, in my head I keep questioning, am I really not understand you or you not understand me. That is all we ever argue about. As I finally do something that you want, I understand you and your very busy schedule, till you have no time for me even for just 5 seconds to text good morning or good night, and I didn't get anything in return, that is how I slowly understand what it feels like to love. Apparently, love is not a feeling. I always know that love is a verb and not a noun. There is 'loving' in love, 'loved' in love, and 'loves' in love. It is a verb. Which means that it is something t

  It’s the start of July and the weather gets cold. What supposed to be a bright-sunny month is now grey and gloomy, for everything has changed, including the climate. My mind can be a very dark place sometimes. It is scary up here and I thought someday someone will rescue me.  But I was wrong. There is no one here. I have to help my self. I am my own rescuer.  For the hardest battle is to fight our own negative thoughts. I wish I knew this sooner. - Bogor, 9 July 2024

 My life was is great.  At least when I was in my early to mid twenties. Although, at the same time, I was experiencing the first and the biggest heart break of my life, because I broke up with my fiance. We were together for five years and a half, and in the middle of planning a wedding. I was devastated, but not too much. Because during those years, I always have something to look forward to.  I spent the first year of my career exploring Kalimantan and Sumatera. I visited over a hundred villages in remote area. Even those which are not covered by common transportation, and requires all kind of transportation: air, ground, and water.  Life was a constant planning of one field visit to another, or one event after another. I am planning my day to day basis to those goals only.  “Oh I have field visit to North Kalimantan next week, so starting today, my life is heading to that week. I prepare my house to be left alone for a week or two because of that visit…” and so on so forth. I didn

  Clean up! Clean up the house because it is home for me, and.. Clean up my body because it is home for someone, someday ;). Let’s prepare the homes, because coming home is indeed something to look forward to! *** Bogor, 07 October 2023. 23:13 I finally clean up the corner of my house and it feels sooooo good to see that side of the floor again. I am not a tidy nor organise person, so minimalism helps preventing the mess. I don’t need this many stuff to survive, and neither do you. Declutter now, feel better later 😉

  For the very first time in my life, I uninstalled instagram. The apps that have been coloring my days since eleven years ago, is now gone. Not completely, but still gone. I thought I can only stand 3 days without it, but here I managed to survive for 6 good days. But I just cried. This evening, after coming back from the mall. Meeting the Finance Director of my ex company, hearing all her thoughts about the drama that I know so well.. I didn’t do anything with her, I was just sit, listen, and understand. But eventually, that is all she needs. We part ways, I went straight home — make one stop to buy my favorite favorite fruit — and continue home. No picture, no posts, nothing. Oh yeah, I cried once I entered the house. Because it feels so.. empty. The house, the same house I have lived for nearly 6 years now.. feels emptier than ever.  Do I miss instagram? — NO Do I miss posting my stories? — NO. But I miss someone I used to talk to in instagram. I miss his laugh and his weird noise.

  Dear Hilma, This lesson is to remind you to never (again) challenge the shaytan. You’re not that pious to beat them. Their waswasa is so powerful you won’t be able to resist! Remember this, forever and always. What’s coming is better than what has gone. Use sabr and shalah as your guardian. Love, Mima