Purple-pink Sky

 

Time

Mystical time

Cutting me open, then healing me fine

Were there clues I didn't see?

And isn't it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

-Invisible String, Taylor Swift-

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I know this is messed up, I am trying to learn Quran, but still cant detach to some songs. Especially this one, the lyric caught my heart deep.

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A string that pulled me

Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar

Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire

Chains around my demons

Wool to brave the seasons

One single thread of gold tied me to you

*

I finally see a purple pink sky again, today. It's been so long, too long even. My last record that I keep in instagram highlight was from 2021, on the first day of work in Bali and I was on my way back to my rented room. 

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Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park

Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

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I am joining the discussion on Surah Al-Ahzab, live from Chicago and I am touched by the fact that this surah has a close relationship to Surah An-Nuur. As of today, a bit of summary shows a correlation between what we have been studying for the past 12 days, Surah An-Nuur ayah 35. That ayah.. nuurun alaa nuur.. was the ayah that brought me back to deen. First time in decade that my heart got soften into listening to syiar or dakwah again. 

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Time

Wondrous time

Gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies

And it's cool

Baby with me

And isn't it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

*

It is all connected. All of us. In science, the string theory might help to explain on how our mood is connected to the clutter around us. Or how the tide could affect our hormonal imbalance. It is all connected, and in higher level, Allah does not create something out of ordinary. The way He orchestrated the universe, is like no other and it is worth humbling our brain in front of Him. 

**

The lessons on the Ummahatul Mukminin from Surah Al-Ahzab has changed my perspective completely. Maybe I was consuming too much of tiktok content so my idea of ideal relationship was "I have built myself up to this point, you better treat me like an equal, give me my right, and if you failed to do so, you don't love me enough". Now, I can see how problematic that is. 

It is difficult to finally realise that we are not the priority of our husband's life. His mission, if the mission is for Allah, should be the most important thing in his life, and as a wife we better be the supporter and not causing any burden. Not going to question why he is home late, not going to compare him with other people's husbands who gave them this or that, not going to give him headache because he already pressured by the mission. But that's the reality of us being a woman. We are here to be the soft, comfort, and warmth for a man with missions. For that, we have to have our own source of comfort and calm because we cannot produce it on our own. This is where the deen plays a key role in our life. If not Allah, then who?

Well, to be honest I used to think that role is a husband's role. But I'm happy to say that I was wrong, and I am willing to adjust my understanding. 

***

All these crashes and turbulences happening in my life all along, brought me here. Just like when Taylor Swift says hell was the journey but it brought me heaven, she wasn't lie. Maybe, just maybe.. Allah is preparing me, you, and all of us through a rough path, until the stars are align, for us to meet with something that meant for us. 

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Bogor, 25-05-2025

Hore, gajian.