Yogyakarta



 

This city and I have a complicated relationship.

2016

We made a core memory together since 2016, back when I was just starting a life as an adult, having my first job, my salary, and still have friends around. Some of my friends from high school were on their master degree when I was already a corporate girl. So I had a time when I thought I was advanced, only to be left alone because they’re all got married gradually from 2018 to 2021. But at least, during the course of 2016 to 2017, they were there for me, always catch me when I broke my heart. Because that year.. 2016, was the year I had a wedding canceled.

2021

I just back from Bali. Trying to start a new life by living there but only lasted for 3 months. Its too effing lonely out there. Bali is not for a solo-hijabi long term stay.

First thing I found when I arrived at my house was my baby sister. She just started her high school and it was her first semester break. Without thinking twice, I bought us a ticket to this city along with my father who just on his first retirement year, to see our other sister who just started her freshman year at university. 

This city witness the fight between a solo first born daughter and a stubborn-post-power syndrome old man. It was rough and ugly. But now as I look back, that is the first layer of my inner trauma revealing itself, sending me signal to start to heal it. The trip costs me executive train ticket of 3 sets because we were late due to traffic and I had to repurchase another. Since then, I vow to never step on Yogya again.

2023

I was back. I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday alone but I no longer have friends. They are all married and I understand if their priorities have changed. Before marriage, they would send me cakes and gifts and all and call or video call me but since 2022 I knew it has changed. 

Refusing to be alone, I flew back to Yogya to see my sister and stay at her place for a week. I asked her to invite her friends on my birthday to the restaurant that I knew will sing you a song when you showed them your ID on your birthday.

I feel new, I feel full. Despite of just having my failed atrempt of trusting love again (turns out he is married), I went back home from Yogya with full du’a. I believe Allah will not let me down.

And I asked Allah that night specifically, to send me the one. Only the one.

2025

I came back for my sister’s graduation.

The city stays the same but there are so many things in me that have changed. Allah truly sent me someone after that night. The next day, a guy slid into my DM and no matter how hard I refused to answer or interact with him, he was always there. He was trying for weeks to prove himself as different, serious, and.. Islamic.

I slipped.

I should’ve keep my guard up but a consistent and persistent action in a girl’s solitude could naturally break it. That was the last time I saw Yogya -before I met him- and here I am back again as I have concluded six months cutting all ties with him and for the very first time in six months, I feel clean.

We’ve made a full circle.

I don’t know what occasion will bring me back to this city again, but I do believe it will be a good one. One worth filling this core memories list.

***

Bantul, 12 June 2025 (00.29)

Bonus: a picture of me, embracing morning Sun. 😂✌️

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