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Showing posts from August, 2020

Days after long weekend, is the toughest

 In my previous post, I said I have a serious plan for the long weekend and it involves mothery things: watching Garfield. And yep, I am now on Episode 57 (but Episode 52-54 are missing) and still laughing. The laziest cat with a very simple life goal who loves to torment the mailman and have a very deep love for bear doll named Pooky. He hates Nermal, has a love-hate relationship with Oddie, but always around when Oddie needs help. I love you, Garfield.  Days after long weekend is the toughest, you know. It was started with three meetings on Monday (one online and two offline), and terrible news from home on Tuesday (may my uncle find his peaceful way to eternity), followed with a heavy headache on Wednesday, and no coffee Thursday which makes me sick like a very ill person (sicker than headache-sick).  But.. Garfield helps, or so I guess.

The effect of watching Tom Holland's interview for 2 days straight.

 If I have children, I wanna have four boys, because they'll be supportive and yet hating each other at the same time, and my first or second boy will be as snobby as Tom Holland or Chris Hemsworth but will be the glue to the family. I watched his interviews because I like to observe how confidence he is, being a young man between all these legends.  Also, he made me realize how young 24 is..,

The outside world and I

 The pandemic has turned me into a very calculated person. I need at least five reasons so that I could go out and see the world, I should at least, finished three tasks at one go if must I step outside the house. Well, I've been doing that for almost two years actually, but pandemic has doubled the effect. As for today, I walked out of the house just to send a package. Somebody stole my money yesterday so I couldn't use the pick-up service as they only required cash and my only cash was exactly on the right amount before some of it was missing. I managed to tick five plans on my list as I deliver the package into the counter. Even more, I could buy four peeled pineapples (wasn't that awesome) on my way home (and the driver was so kind he didn't mind stopping by). Outside world and I used to be a very best friend, but not anymore. People change, so I guess friendship too. 

My very serious plan for long weekend.

 I have planned a very serious thing to spend this very long weekend, and it involves mothery thing. You know.. some of us might think.. 'well I wanna be a mom', but some others -the optimist realist ones- will think 'well, I should prepare to be a mom' even before she knew who she'd be married to. Woman got to put their best confidence as their makeup, including this one. Motherhood is a scary thing because you never learn how to do it, you only can observe from experience and people around you, but there's never really a standard to that. People do things differently, even to wrap or not to wrap is a debate-discussion between moms. It will be easier if motherhood came with a checklist like those certification schemes we all knew. But it didn't (or maybe shouldn't). So I decided to do some preparation, as I am very optimistic that one day with God's willing, I will be a mom. Since I have way enough time to prepare, I couldn't let my child down t

The cost of having something you really want to, but you don't need.

 This lesson comes from the branded bags and shoes I bought a couple days ago. They were at a discount price, but still.. you know.. brand..  I was so happy when I saw them, happy when I made the payment, and happy to see the tracking progress as the first thing that I checked each day when I woke up. As they arrived.. I was so burst in excitement that I try so hard to calm my self. But then, I opened the wrap, the case, then the box.. and it suddenly appears, nothing as I expected. From that day on, I promise my self, to never again buy something branded online. It just didn't work that way. I don't get the same satisfaction as I had when buying them offline. I know it sounds old school, but believe me.. I online buy most of the things in this house including sugar, salt, and flip-flops. So a thought hit me..  This is exactly what you get when you get something you don't need. Because when you need something, you know what you want, you know exactly how to use them, and wh

When you love something too much..

 I love the Sea, but I don't feel like living by the Sea let alone owning a house near it.  Maybe when you love something too much, you don't wanna spend too much time around it. Because you know, feelings fade and you don't wanna lose that kind of love.  *** Agustus 2020, Habis nonton Whisky Galore, Harriet, dan Atonement. Itu semuanya banyak lautnya aku rinduuuuu

About being single..

 The art of living alone and got ignored in most of the whatsapp groups I've been in with many other experts is to learn how to talk to my self. Most of the time, in person or in Whatsapp groups. So the solution to that is.. blogging. Blog is always the answer. Except for this blog of mine supposedly be educational, but it's not, and never were. 

I cook this at 21.33

The recipe is simple: leftover chicken, leftover sambal, add one tomato and some brown sugar, mix it all together, jadilah ayam balado. Because I cant eat balado without brown sugar and tomato, and I always have leftover sambal from rice boxes that people sent me. Also, I never get to finished my chicken, yang tiap kali dikirimi nasi box isinya ada ayam dan pastiii ga habis, all wrapped neatly in my fridge waiting for their turn. And now it is.  Ayam balado ala orang yg lagi ga bisa berfungsi secara normal. Balado yg gula merahnya segambreng is luv! 

The Safa and Marwa to My Zamzam

Seperti berlari di tengah teriknya gurun pasir, dalam haus, letih, dan hanya bermodal harap menemukan air pada satu titik di antara Bukit Safa dan Marwa. Mengejar fatamorgana, dari Safa ke Marwa kembali ke Safa dan seterusnya. Padahal titik air tersebut, tidak berada di keduanya. Mungkin itu juga analogi untuk yang sedang berada dalam pencarian apapun di dunia. Tentang karir, pendidikan, jodoh. Allah ingin kita terus berlari dengan penuh harap meski letih dan sepertinya tampak mustahil. Terus berlari, mencari, sampai nanti Dia sendiri yang akan memancarkan mata air tersebut. Mata air yang tidak pernah surut, dan yang akan menghidupkan sebuah negeri yang tandus menjadi negeri yang makmur. Di sana kelak lahirlah manusia paling mulia di muka bumi. Karena Allah ingin kita belajar, bahwa hidup ini bukan cuma tentang keinginan yang kita pegang. Ada tujuan jangka panjang yang perlu disusun dan dirumuskan. Keinginan itu sifatnya hanya perantara, jika keinginan itu sudah tercapai, lalu apa?

About a Pray

Doa pasti terjawab. Entah itu jawabannya iya, tidak, atau nanti di akhirat dalam bentuk paket-paket hadiah yang bikin semua orang berharap doanya tidak pernah terjawab saja di dunia. Kalau ada doa yang sampai sekarang belum terjawab, belum terlihat wujud 'tidak' nya tapi 'iya' juga tidak kunjung terjadi, maka bisa jadi itu adalah 'iya yang tertunda'. Dan dalam sebuah 'iya yang tertunda' itu ada perjalanan tentang menemukan dan ditemukan. Perjalanan itu tempat memungut bekal, yang kelak akan berguna untuk menempuh perjalanan yang lebih panjang lagi. Karena hidup kan tidak selesai sampai ketika doa terkabul. Orang yang berdoa ingin menikah, hidupnya kan tidak selesai setelah dia menikah, ada lebih banyak lagi keinginan dan cobaan yang harus dia tempuh. Untuk bisa survive melalui itu semua, maka dia harus dipersiapkan betul sesuai dengan keinginan dia. Kenapa kata-kata terakhir itu saya miringkan, karena lagi-lagi itu tergantung dengan jenis hidup seper

Solusi ketika merasa kurang termotivasi

Mungkin karena masih dalam suasana post-event, atau mungkin karena belum benar-benar dapat asupan bergizi karena masih malas masak, yang jelas hari ini saya benar-benar tidak ada motivasi untuk produktif. Bangun tidur, solat, tidur lagi, pun setelah bangun tidak langsung bersih-bersih seperti biasa malah langsung buka laptop dari kasur. Kerjakan to do list pertama dan kedua, trus laptop ditutup lagi, lanjut tidur. Walau tidak bisa tidur.  Bahkan saya sempat melihat ulang tulisan di laman ini. Sungguh sangat banyak ya.. rasanya seperti satu babak tersendiri sejak tahun 2017 sampai sekarang, karena sekarang saya tengah mempertimbangkan menghapus blog ini seperti yang saya lakukan dengan blog lama hsuciandari.com setelah putus dari si mantan. Tulisan-tulisan lama itu bener-bener bikin malu. Kalau kamu orang baru, dan baru mau mulai lihat-lihat blog ini, mulai dari tulisan di Bulan Juni 2017 saja ya. Terus berhenti sampai di sana. Karena kebawahnya sangat tidak bermutu. Ini pelan-pelan say

Tulisan Cinta di Feedback Form

Sejujurnya setiap kali habis bikin event, yg paling mendebarkan adalah buka form feedback. Isinya pasti macam2. Untuk bisa buka, aku mesti nunggu beberapa hari dulu, cooling down dulu, workout., makan enak.., trus pas baca komen2 nya juga sambil nahan napas. Makanya aku kalo ikut event, yg paling ga oke sekalipun, ga berani kasih komentar pedes walau form nya no name. 🙈 yg kena mental soalnya. *** Bogor, Agustus, sore-sore. Tadi hujan makanya lumayan bisa berani buka feedback form. Alhamdulillah ada yg marah-marah

I am not responsible for..

I’m not responsible for the posts that I wrote in the past. If it is sad, it wasn’t me. It it is stupid, well.. yea it could be me. Saya cuma mau menyalurkan isi otak, supaya tidak butek, dan karena teman bicara sekarang sudah mulai mengalami kelangkaan. 

A day off on Monday

Why workout if you have house to declutter, and pile of clothes to iron. I am so proud of my self that I done the ironing thing since 12 PM to 11 PM ! Only stop to lunch (steamy things like dimsum and tofu), prays, and dinner (3 slices of pizza). Nyetrika sambil nonton Eat Pray Love, marathon SNL, dan 2 episodes of Surah Yusuf from Bayyinah Institute. Haha funny how I unsubscribed Netflix back in April just to switch it to Bayyinah TV but only after 2 months I switched it again to youtube premium because Nouman Ali Khan made a series about Surah Yusuf for the entire Ramadan and I think what’s the point of subscribing bayyinah but watching him live on youtube, but then after ramadan, I couldn’t keep up with the entire series of surah yusuf and marathoning SNL instead. Now I’m more of SNL than bayyinah institute subscriber. Lol. Anyway. Tomorrow is Tuesday which I’ll treat like Monday. Lookin for another surpriisee

The Quest and The Surrender

All my life, I've been taught to be selfless. To be a devoted child, to not just thinking about my self. Which then led me to a struggle just to love my self. I was the kind of girl who would sacrifice my college exam just to join a fundraiser team for flood victims. I was willing to spend the sleepless nights just so our expedition journey could go well and had success.  Today, after a series of events, I need to re-adjust my self before going back to my usual life; work. Setelah training berakhir, ada Idul Adha yang mengharuskan jalan jauh, saya rasa butuh waktu untuk membenahi hidup sebelum mulai lagi dengan hal-hal baru yang akan saya buat ke depan. Untuk itu saya ambil cuti hari ini, yang mostly digunakan untuk nonton film dan nyetrika.  In order to live well, one should eat well. Saya juga mulai memperbaiki isi piring saya yang mulai kacau belakangan ini terutama sejak persiapan pelatihan. Tidak lagi bikin juice serasa sudah bertahun-tahun dan kemarin baru bisa melipir ke sup

Let me teach you one thing or two to start a relationship:

Oh my God.. begitu menyelesaikan buku ini rasanya seperti menemukan diri sendiri yang lama tenggelam dalam tumpukan kerjaan. Sudah terlalu lama sejak terakhir kali saya bisa menyendiri, get lost in the story of a book, and actually finished a book! Liz Gilbert membuat setiap halamannya relate, dan saya seperti bisa merasakan buncah emosi yang dia rasa. Termasuk ketika memulai hubungan baru, yang saya tahu sulit sekali jika kita sudah pernah beberapa kali gagal membangun hubungan. ( Lol what do I know I am only 28 and never married ). But I know a thing or two about heartbreak, so yep.. that count. Cara yang dipakai Felipe di buku ini bisa jadi adalah satu-satunya cara untuk mendapatkan hati seorang perempuan macam Liz Gilbert. Yang setelah bad breakups and divorce, memilih untuk menempuh perjalanan mencari Tuhan dan menemukan damai dalam dirinya sendiri. Artinya, perempuan seperti ini sudah utuh, she's no longer seeks comfort in men, tidak lagi butuh laki-laki untuk membuat dirinya

Chubby girl, loving life

No matter how skinny I am, my cheek could never go any flatter. So yep, I always consider my self as a chubby girl, and now I'm so in love with my Sunday. Karena semua pekerjaan upik abu sudah selesai sebelum tengah hari, dan kubisa baca buku sepuasnya tanpa interupsi apapun and I can't help but to write this down before continuing the chapters. Buku ini disebut sama temen waktu video call-an kapan tahu, yang langsung kubaca. Dan semua yang dituliskan di sini, hampir semuanya mewakili perasaan dan pikiran-pikiranku yang mbikin ku sampe sekarang bacanya sambil senyum-senyum sendiri. I no longer care about travel the world, mau ke Italia, Paris or whatever, selama tujuannya cuma lihat-lihat doang kusudah tidak tertarik. Tapi buku ini tidak cuma menceritakan bagian jalan-jalannya saja, justru lebih fokus ke bagian hubungan antar manusianya, teman, mantan, strangers,, makanan, mental health... Sungguh, buku ini adalah buku yang bikin ku ambil cuti cuma biar bisa nyelesein baca nya

Sleeping Saturday

I throw ups 3 times today, at 3 am, 4 am, and 6 am. I sleep again after 7 am and woke up at 10 am. Not leaving the bed ever since, neither take my pajamas off. People coming to my house twice, brought me two bags of meat which I only take one. Kacau bener habis makan bubur balik lagi ke kasur maratonin youtube sampe ketiduran bangun-bangun jam 5 sore. Being single is awesome because you can take as many time as you want to get some rest. Kebayang kalo kemarin di rumah nenek mana bisa tidur seharian gt. Tanteku yg baru nyampe jam 3 pagi aja pas jam 1 siang dia baru ketiduran bentar udh dibangun-bangunin sambil diomelin “ceunah rek ngabantuan” gitu, padahal yg dibangunin belum kekumpul nyawanya. Tapi yg gak awesome nya ini sekarang bingung mau ngapain. Antara mau beberes barang-barang bawaan kemarin, atau manasin semur yg dibekelin nenek, atau food prepping daging sapi yg baru dikasih tadi sore. Jadinya sy milih kembali rebahan dan nulis ini. Sambil mikir.. besok mudah-mudahan punya suam