Minimalist Indonesia

  I live a pretty lonely life, and I know that. I used to hope someone someday could understand me. But nobody ever could. Nobody. I try to accept this reality, but social media stopped me from that. The illusion to have someone around, someone who care, someone who will pick up my call whenever I need them, are just illusions. Family came one block away, but not telling. Even parents. Sister plan to visit, then cancel when she knew I got sick.  Is this fair? Life's been like this since high school, but I keep up hope that it'll change someday, but it didn't. Should I accept this or should I die. Men are disgusting.

  Dear A, As it turns out, I never knew love until I met you. All I have experienced were all just transactional love, or selfish love. I didn't know that if I love a person in an exchange of they do something for me, was not love at all. Love is something that I give without expecting anything, and I never able to do that.  When you keep saying I don't understand you, in my head I keep questioning, am I really not understand you or you not understand me. That is all we ever argue about. As I finally do something that you want, I understand you and your very busy schedule, till you have no time for me even for just 5 seconds to text good morning or good night, and I didn't get anything in return, that is how I slowly understand what it feels like to love. Apparently, love is not a feeling. I always know that love is a verb and not a noun. There is 'loving' in love, 'loved' in love, and 'loves' in love. It is a verb. Which means that it is something t

  It’s the start of July and the weather gets cold. What supposed to be a bright-sunny month is now grey and gloomy, for everything has changed, including the climate. My mind can be a very dark place sometimes. It is scary up here and I thought someday someone will rescue me.  But I was wrong. There is no one here. I have to help my self. I am my own rescuer.  For the hardest battle is to fight our own negative thoughts. I wish I knew this sooner. - Bogor, 9 July 2024