Showing posts from July, 2023

What do I do when I missed you?

  I texted you while driving, and captured this pictures while driving. For you. When I missed you, the first thing I do is to look at our old pictures. The moments when we were still together, laughing, and teasing each other. Oh but wait, I don’t have that. Because we’ve never been together in person. I only have the recording from our video calls, when you laughed so hard while I was talking about your new place plan. You were laughing at me, cause you think it’s funny. But I think it’s cute. What do I do when I missed you but cant look at our photos? I re-read our old conversations. You were a fast responder back then when you were still trying to win me. And I fell for that. I let you in. I welcome you in. Oh but wait, I have deleted them all now. I have nothing left from what used to be “us” and “ours”. Nothing. I have to delete them. Because it’s too painful for me to read the messages from the last few weeks, when you treated me like garbage.  What do I do when I missed you but

When things end

  It really hurts when things end. Our hearts were not designed to cope with loss easily, because the nature of the heart is to possess. To own things. To have things. While in reality, nothing in this world belongs to us. That is why Islam came with certain rules, with only one lesson: detachment.  Pray five times a day? To detach from worldly life's routine. You're in meeting and your brain is occupied with presentation, results, and analysis, but then you have to stop, get up from your chair, wash some parts of your body, and pray. Fasting? To detach from desire; food, bad languages, vain speeches, you name it. Zakat? To detach from your money, from things that we taught is our own. Hajj? You leave everything behind to live in a tent under the sky. You leave the job, the family, the kids, the houses, the cars, the vehicles, everything.  It is all form of detachment, because worldly thing to possess is only cause us pain. Who wants pain? We all wanna be happy, right? We keep

Still the same Sun

  I drive with a beautiful sunset this afternoon. The exact same Sun that I used to watch every month, 3 years ago when I was still constantly going back to grandma's for the sake of my grand father. I still remember by heart the beauty of it's shape, and the soft colour as its slowly hiding behind those buildings.. The mystical view of afternoon one could witness but never to captured.  The Sun is slowly hiding behind the towers, and buildings, and clouds. Thick grey clouds that is not romantic at all. It is air pollution, for sure. As this city is one of the most polluted cities in the world. But the view still magical to watch at least to soften your eyes after a long long drive. Oh I still remember how I wished to share this view with a guy five years ago, only to know that he is not that into me. I still remember another heartbreak when I passed that view while in a call with another guy who turns out to be something he's not. One failed attempt to another, why can'