Minimalist Indonesia

  It is humbling to see how every moment in our life that looks random is not actually random at all. Like the ayah in the Quran, one to another which seems unrelated, could have a connection with the other ayah few pages away. But if we zoom out, we'll find the symmetry, and just like how stars are aligned, it forms a beautiful constellation that will guide us somewhere. *** I met an old friend from high school tonight. Last week I met another one too. It's amazing how we came from the same high school and become a complete opposite to one another. One wears niqab and be even firmer in the deen, and the other even dare to say The Prophet ever do gamble without a proper research. I feel my face turned red when the word about The Prophet were threw casually like that. I came home and sit for a few minutes in my desk just to search the hadith. I couldn't find it, and as it turned out my friend just quoted from some posts.  But what amaze me even more is the fact that my frien...

  ‘Yaa Allah, I know You’re there. I know You’re listening. I know You’re close to me. Please.. forgive me’ *** My heart is full every time I come back from a dakwah session. Maybe because I still don’t do the offline ones often, so it still feel magical everytime I attend one. Today, is a monthly session about the sahabah and today’s topic is Nuaiman bin Mas’ud. A day before this, I just finished the series on Surah Al-Ahzab which makes me cry because ust Nouman was also cry when he said “ whatever you do, keep holding to The Book. Because at least this can be our argument that Yaa Allah we may have messed up but at least we didn’t let It go”. My shalah after that was different and full of tears.  Although the series is completed, but the discussion was more focused on the munafiqoon and Ummahatul Mukminin. The story of the war itself was not deeply elaborated, so I still had question. I know we win.. but how? Little did I know, the answer is provided from today’s session whi...

  As a first born daughter and grand-daughter from parents who got married so young, I have multiple roles in the family other than that two. I am a sister for my siblings and cousins, and also a 'friend' for my aunts, because they trust me with their family and kids stories as if I am an outsider. Today, I am visiting my aunt and we had a little talk about a school which is one of the best Islamic school in Indonesia. But the reality is their teaching does not fully reflect Islamic teaching, and the social life among the students. So she should be toughen up, to go against her youngest daughter's tantrum comparing herself and her friends. "Of course the mother is the madrasah.. but the father is the headmaster!" my aunt conclude her story about dividing role between her and my uncle. We laugh. She was right. Kids education supposed to be on both responsibilities because if not, the mother will always be the bad cop and kids will hate her for that. Her image to th...

You grew up with your father's anger and your mother's insecurity. You absorb their frustrations and their rage. Then you question yourself, why you have boiling rage in your body? Where does this came from? Why even a small matter hurts you too much? If only your father knew that you are fighting so hard to cut his anger pattern in you. If only your mother knew you are growing your mind not to be like her. You dictate your self-worth, you train your mind to believe that you deserve love, and as simple as it is, it's not an easy job. Especially when you don't have parents who support you. I am not teaching you to blame your parents for all the things that goes wrong in your life. I am teaching you to take the responsibilities in becoming your self, your own better self. They have their portion of fault, and so do you. But we need to focus on what we can control. They are them, and nothing to change about it especially if they don't have the conscious mind to accept ...

  Time Mystical time Cutting me open, then healing me fine Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me? -Invisible String, Taylor Swift- * I know this is messed up, I am trying to learn Quran, but still cant detach to some songs. Especially this one, the lyric caught my heart deep. * A string that pulled me Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons Wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you * I finally see a purple pink sky again, today. It's been so long, too long even. My last record that I keep in instagram highlight was from 2021, on the first day of work in Bali and I was on my way back to my rented room.  * Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart Now I send their babies presents Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial...

  This city and I have a complicated relationship. 2016 We made a core memory together since 2016, back when I was just starting a life as an adult, having my first job, my salary, and still have friends around. Some of my friends from high school were on their master degree when I was already a corporate girl. So I had a time when I thought I was advanced, only to be left alone because they’re all got married gradually from 2018 to 2021. But at least, during the course of 2016 to 2017, they were there for me, always catch me when I broke my heart. Because that year.. 2016, was the year I had a wedding canceled. 2021 I just back from Bali. Trying to start a new life by living there but only lasted for 3 months. Its too effing lonely out there. Bali is not for a solo-hijabi long term stay. First thing I found when I arrived at my house was my baby sister. She just started her high school and it was her first semester break. Without thinking twice, I bought us a ticket to this city a...