World Health Day Post: Forgiving Yourself
Forgiving your self is a real job. It's hard, it takes a lot of time and energy, and sometimes we fail. But once we get into the end and did it, the reward is amazing.
If you still struggle to forgive your past mistakes.. time you've been wasted on someone not worth waiting for.. or the sins that you've made when you were young and stupid.. if you still battling in the inside, prevent yourself from blaming yourself.. all I can say to you is this;
Walk the process at your own pace. It doesn't matter if it's a slow progress, like an old-grandpa-turtle slow. Recognize every aspects that stings. The things that when you remember it, you start to hate yourself. Hold it. Hold it tight. Tell yourself, that it was in the past, and there's nothing you could do but to forgive. Forgiving other people who do bad things to you is easier than this. I know, because I had it too. But you can't live a full life before accepting who you are, and those mistakes, are part of you.
Realize that you won't grow without them. Those mistakes lead you to this path, shape you into the person that you are now. It's okay to change, nothing in this life will remain the same, not even the love of a married couple. The world didn't set for that, things won't last here on Earth.
I know it's the hardest thing to do.. sometimes I do feel like I hate myself. Sometimes all those bad memories, are the reason for you to think that maybe I deserve this, when bad things happened to you.
Train your mind to start believing that, you deserve better. Because you are. You deserve all the best things life could offer. You've come this far, you're realizing your past mistakes, and that's a huge progress. I know every step in this process is painful, makes you wish to die instead. But believe me, you will get through this. Things always work out in the end. Always. Sometimes you just one phone call away from a totally different life. Sometimes, the door is there, waiting for you to make the decision because you're too scared and feel like undeserving. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to keep moving. Keep going, even at your slowest rate, keep living your life, every second of it.
If this is a hard time for you, the hardest even, then you should be relief. Because this is the sign that you're actually heading somewhere. You might not understand it now, but you will. Things maybe cloudy and blurry right now, but as long as you hold on tight to your faith, that Your Master, The Creator of the Universe, will never.. ever.. abandoned your good deeds, pray and wishes, then you're on the right track. Sometimes, the right track can be this bumpy. Relax, sweety pie. You're going somewhere.
Bogor, 7 April 2020.
Happy World Health Day.
When it's hard to function.. you feel like staying in bed all day, not doing anything.. try took a shower even if it's hard, and cold. Showering may not take you to any progress, but at least, the angels around you are happy with your vibe. Clean that effing vibe!