Another Good Bye



There's a certain kind of grief when you leave behind the life you used to know, entering a new one, knowing that it will be better but things will be different.

I was just resigned, not dead. But it does feel like I'm dead. At least for a couple of weeks back then, I keep opening Teams app just to see if anybody messaged me. None. My online status has been changed with some notifications this person has left the organisation, sort of thing. I still write to some colleagues, saying goodbye and all, and just like that, my whole entity has completely disappeared. 


Now I open the same app, but with completely different people. It still new, so not as messy. But deep down I know, the kind of connection I was (unintentionally) made in my previous work place, won't be replicated. Maybe I'll find something better, maybe I don't but the same exact one won't happen again. Not even with the same persons.

I guess, even with age, I still can't get along really well with goodbyes. Changes is hard, but it's unavoidable. I'm happy with my new chapter, but I can't fully let go of my old ones just yet. Maybe that's the kind of grief nobody can explain because you have nothing to be sad about, but you are sad. 

So, what do we do when we are trapped in past memories?

We sit with it, cherish the time of what was, and thank them.

Life is a series of changes and goodbyes, afterall. Nothing permanent. Nothing will stay the same. That is why we keep minimalism in mind, because at the end of the day, all we could carry is just what's inside our brain and our heart. Nothing more. Even our old clothes we love so dearly will be worn or won't fit one day. I didn't intend to get attached to anything, but one that just happened in the past couple of months is outside of my plan. So will need another resetting again, to be a minimalist once more. I have lived like this for nearly a decade now, and still find it hard to say good bye.

***

Jogja, 8 October 2026

Day 2 of being called a Panda.

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