To Love Again


After over six months, I finally find a reason to write again and this time, it's about love.

I am fully aware that I've been isolating my self from any kind of romance for almost 7 years now. Yes, I dated briefly, yes I had a crush or two, but it was never serious because I can still remember the taste of pain when one relationship ended. A decision that I made consciously back then, to chose my career over a guy, was pretty solid until I met him. 

People say that love will find you when you least expect it. So focus on bettering yourself, be an amazing woman that you are, and love will find a way to reach you. And yes, life has a funny way to show you that whatever decisions you choose, in the end, you're not the one to make it. 

I didn't plan to fall in love when I visited Istanbul. I didn't plan to be involved in any kind of romance as I am aware that this will be just a temporary visit. What would you expect from a less than two weeks stay. However, I did 'play' around with a tool, which connects me to so many different people with only one goal; find more information about Istanbul because I'm too lazy to do my own research. If you have a friend to ask, why bother searching, right? Let's just save the searching energy for work, like it's not exhausting already.

But then there was this guy. He charmed me with his soft and smooth approach. He was not rushing, and in two days I know why. He was consistently checking on me, asking me questions, making interesting conversation, which before I know it, I already addicted to the routine he gave. When we first met, he showed me his shaking hands. A cute gesture from a very nice guy with a nice and soft smile. We drove for hours which I didn't want it to end. I really didn't.

He came right in time when I was ready to learn more about love. He showed me what masculine energy man look like, that all he wanted is just to make me happy and I just have to be there. He showed me acceptance, when he is busy or when he couldn't answer my call, while I used to be the one with 'what I want is what I got'. He taught me how to reconnect with my feminine energy, and that includes accepting when he couldn't be with me for a night or two. And he showed me consistency, where love nurtured in a proper manner as he always showed up for me as promised and never fail unless other things occurred.

Wise man once said, that the length of our lives doesn't measured by years, but by time. It's the every moment that we passed mindfully. I have spent the past few months cherishing his presence in this short life, wishing that one day we could be in the same dimension again. But I don't want this wishes to turned into anxiety, worrying about what future might hold. I want to cherish every minutes, every seconds, and life just that. These lessons I took from him, will forever shape my mind, changes my perspective about love and becoming a woman in her true feminine energy. I was too busy working, until I forget to look in the mirror, of how long I live in my survival mode thinking that I could be the man of my life. No, I still need a man in my life. Only if that man is him.


Bogor, 1 Feb 2023


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