Skip to main content

Tuhan, aku takut..


Who aren’t scared of change?

It is scary. Unusual. Strange. We don’t like change. That’s not how we designed, we were designed to remain the same and it requires power and strength to adapt. That’s why the weak dies, and only the powerful can embrace change. Are we strong enough to face one?

They say you only one decision away to a new life. You said that too, that you want to start over, a fresh start. Now when the universe open a door to you, you freak out. Why?

Maybe it’s because.. after all these years you’ve spent on the road.. jump from one town to another in the name of good education, you finally find (or build) a place you called home. Maybe because the process wasn’t easy and the result gives you beyond comfort and satisfaction, it brings you the elegance in life that make it hard to leave. But you won’t go anywhere unless you embrace this fear.

I remember right before pandemic, I took my self on a journey. The intention was simple; to cast away a rotten feeling. After five days of uncertainty, I finally isolate my self in the small, remote island of Indonesia: Raijua..

I thought.. after a heavy storm, near death experience, trapped in the island without any guarantee I could make it on time to my flight schedule.. I thought I will never have this fear again. I learned how to depend on My Master, and yet that training wasn’t enough.

This is the part where I realised I need someone too. A person can have their God supporting them, but a support from another human-being is also necessary. You can’t go far without it.

One day, this note will remind me again. That whatever we’ve been through in life, we will always meet an intersection. We have to make big decision, and there’s a little bit of fear in every one of it. Take it or leave it, both come with consequences, also scarry. So.. we’re not really free from our own fear. Until we die.


Bogor, September 11th 2021


Popular posts from this blog

Travel Through Time to Raijua

Menuju Raijua.. bahkan perjalanannya adalah petualangan tersendiri. Kamu harus terbang ke Kota Kupang (atau Waingapu), tapi saya memilih Kupang, lalu berlayar dengan kapal cepat selama 5-7 jam untuk menuju Pulau Sabu. Sebenarnya ada beberapa pilihan untuk ke Pulau Sabu dari Kupang, yaitu dengan naik pesawat Susi Air selama kurang lebih 55 menit dengan harga sekitar 1,3 juta, atau naik kapal Ferry lambat dengan waktu tempuh selama 12-13 jam seharga Rp 80 - 120rb per orang, atau naik kapal Ferry cepat yang berangkatnya malam dan sampai di Pulau Sabu pagi (jadi kurang lebih 8 jam juga). Kapal cepat harganya berkisar di 200rb-an, saya sendiri memilih naik kapal Cantika Express kelas VIP seharga Rp 262 ribu. Di dalam kelas VIP Kapal Express Cantika, tapi jendelanya terlalu tinggi untuk bisa duduk lihat laut Tenang, ada jaket keselamatan. Tadinya saya mau bawa sendiri karena takut menyeberang selama tujuh jam. Tapi rupanya yang harus lebih dikhawatirkan itu menyeberang dua jam

Back to my nir-faedah kinda post.

I was on page 184 when a good friend of mine texted and she suddenly poured her mental state. I was frozen for a moment before picking up my self and texted her back with some rational-encouraging words that I wish could help. This is a tough time for us, especially her, with all burden on her shoulder and the recent loss that we've experienced. It's not easy and never getting any easier, so we just have to face it now, embrace the fact that she's gone and feel the stings for a couple years. I finished two books today, one that I read from weeks ago, and one that I just read and not really have much information that I need. When I decided to go on the third book, only when I was halfway distractions started to come. Alright, I put my book aside and try to attend to the only thing I should attend: life. It's been a week since I shut myself in the house. Not going outside, let alone spoke to another human being. I feel weird doing that especially when I used to talk

Definisi orang baik, dari alm Sri Wahyuningsih Djangko

"Mims, ngana kita mo tarek jadi informasi wa.. ( Mim, kamu aku rekrut jadi bagian informasi ya)" ujarnya suatu hari. Kalimat tersebut menjadi awal dari pengalaman kelas sebelas ku yang penuh dengan kesibukan non-akademis. Berorganisasi di OP (Organisasi Pelajar, atau OSIS) sambil berjibaku dengan lomba-lomba debat bersama klub debat. Entah apa yang membuatnya menarikku sebagai anggotanya di Sekbid Informasi, tapi yang jelas ku bersyukur sekali bisa dipilih sebagai partnernya. "Yuk, torang baku pangge apa e? Dorang bahasa so baku pangge 'aner' ... ( Yuk, nama panggilan kita apa nih, anak sekbid bahasa sudah punya panggilan sendiri yaitu 'aner' )" kataku di hari yang lain jauh setelah pelantikan. Dari situ tercetus lah nama Parti alias Partner-Informasi. Aku panggil dia dengan Parti, dia panggil ku pun dengan Parti. Panggilan itu bertahan hingga dua belas tahun kemudian, sampai akhir hayatnya. *** Namanya Yayuk, orang kenalnya dengan nama Yayuk