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I am Finally Writing (one of the magical effect after tidying)


I know it sounds common, because my problem is not about starting, it always been about finishing. I always wanna write a novel, but I'm bad at ending so I got stuck all the time for ten years now.

And here I am, starting. For real this time. With whole picture of how it's gonna end. Also, I start using my Buku Catatan untuk Calon Penulis which I bought on twitter, and the note says 

'Bogor, 4 Juli 2019. Dibeli sejak Juni, ditunggu hingga Juli, begitu tiba seminggu kemudian baru dibuka' 

With my name and signature on the first page. This is a pre-ordered book, by Puthut EA and I still remember the great enthusiasm on twitter which provoke me to join the crowd. I must admit, I didn't remember having this one until decluttering. Because, there is nothing in it.. literally nothing. The book was designed for a writer to write, and I didn't know what to write because I only write temporary things like story plots, characters, names, and more names, which change a lot...  this book can't handle the temporaries. I mean.. how on Earth will I keep it then.

Thanks to decluttering, now I finally found what to write and how to --probably-- end the story. I also have created a map, because that's the first thing I always do when starting something - drawing map, about how the story will go. I have a picture in my head about it's exact location, and the exact feelings that the characters felt.

I know it's gonna be a long journey and I shouldn't be proud of my self just for starting. 

Always remember this, my friend; the dream you had when you were little, was not just a blurry vision of your younger self. There is something inside her, something you don't know now but you knew it then, that provide you with clear sets of goal for you. Your younger self was more connected to your soul than you are now. So trust her, follow the direction that brings ease in your heart.


Bogor, January 30 2021

Our body is amazing. Four days into meeting, and I kept waking up before four am --procrastinate a little bit and rewaking (if that's even a word) at five am-- with no desire whatsoever for going back to sleep. Now, one day after the meeting is over, I rebound to the old habit, of waking up late in the morning. Not proud, tapi kusudah beli jam weker jadul buat bekal Ramadan. Ramadan kian mendekat, gunung merapi erupsi berbarengan ya.. :')


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Back to my nir-faedah kinda post.

I was on page 184 when a good friend of mine texted and she suddenly poured her mental state. I was frozen for a moment before picking up my self and texted her back with some rational-encouraging words that I wish could help. This is a tough time for us, especially her, with all burden on her shoulder and the recent loss that we've experienced. It's not easy and never getting any easier, so we just have to face it now, embrace the fact that she's gone and feel the stings for a couple years. I finished two books today, one that I read from weeks ago, and one that I just read and not really have much information that I need. When I decided to go on the third book, only when I was halfway distractions started to come. Alright, I put my book aside and try to attend to the only thing I should attend: life. It's been a week since I shut myself in the house. Not going outside, let alone spoke to another human being. I feel weird doing that especially when I used to talk

About being a strong woman.,

My product(s) are a means to show people that we could and should be happy in wherever we are, in whatever the circumstances. As a single person battling with all the worryness of who am I gonna end up with while dealing with work and life, I must admit that I am strong enough to do it all alone. Including being obedient to difficult father and grandfather. I am strong. But at the end of the day, when I got home after a very long Sunday and clean my self with cold water.. I still wish that I have somebody in this house... to open the hair serum for me. :( Kenceng banget 15 menit nyoba buka tutupnya gabisa2


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