Skip to main content

#16 Dee [Fiksi]

My wedding is in a few months and I had to wonder.. was I really in love? Seeing Rain and Biru last night, picking up their cloths and their stuff to spend the night in the hospital, to see how they carefully prepare every meals for their son, and how they monitor the baby and the nanny every minute and hour... I have doubt that I my self would ever do that much to another person.

I wonder..
Was I ever really in love? At least one like Rain and Biru had between them. The love to take care, to protect.. all I know is, whenever I fell in love,. It must have something for me. I always put my self first. My first boyfriend was.. well how should I say.. a mistake. But he benefited me so much that I couldn’t go to school without him. I wasn’t in love with him but I’m getting used to be with him. Until the need for his service is over, my love for him also gone.

Probably that’s my karma, when I finally fell in love without reason, and that guy didn’t love me back, instead he was just being nice with me, my friends, my family, my BEST friends,. But he walked away once I was so into him. And you know.. came back with a piece of fucking invitation.

Then I met Rommy. He is nice, and he liked me a lot. So I get used to him, and I feel comfortable. Which led to the when he proposed and I said yes and things are going smooth. But now.. 

Will I take a good care of him? I know his favorite food, his favorite drink, I know everything about his appetite. I think I can take a good care of him. I know when he’s in the bad mood, or in a good mood, or when he needed his space, and I can understand it all without asking. Are those enough definition to.. say.. me loving him?

What is love.. really?
How to love?
If love is Rain and Biru.. will I ever be like them?

Am I getting cold feet? Rain says that its normal for a bride to get cold feet before D-day. Because phew,. It’s such a big day, isn’t it..? Declaring one love to one person forever and ever till death do us part.. it started to feel scary to me. Because of all fears that I have in my head.. marrying a wrong person is on top of that list. Followed by marrying for wrong reason.

Why am I getting married?
Because I want to keep my best buddy with me, of course.
But why do I want to keep him? What if one day, somewhere around the corner, a better guy show up and suddenly this one feels like nothing?
No.. no.. its not gonna happen. But if it does.. I wont let my self to get drawn into it. That is how adult do their things: commitment! First they decide, then they stay. I am an adult and I have to do grown up things.

***
Rain menepuk bahu Dee pelan. Dee yang sedang duduk termenung di pojok kamar, memandang kosong ke arah Jenny yang tertidur pulas, agak tersentak dengan tepukannya. Rain tersenyum mengerti, dia tahu apa yang sedang mengganggu pikiran Dee. Tapi ada hal lain yang lebih penting untuk dibicarakan.
“Ibu Jenny sudah datang, dia ingin bicara dengan kita bertiga terlebih dahulu” ujarnya pelan. Dee manut. Diikutinya langkah Rain ke luar kamar, menyusul Nadhira yang sudah duluan duduk bersama Ibu Jenny di ruang tunggu.

***
Bogor, February 1st 2020

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Definisi orang baik, dari alm Sri Wahyuningsih Djangko

"Mims, ngana kita mo tarek jadi informasi wa.. ( Mim, kamu aku rekrut jadi bagian informasi ya)" ujarnya suatu hari. Kalimat tersebut menjadi awal dari pengalaman kelas sebelas ku yang penuh dengan kesibukan non-akademis. Berorganisasi di OP (Organisasi Pelajar, atau OSIS) sambil berjibaku dengan lomba-lomba debat bersama klub debat. Entah apa yang membuatnya menarikku sebagai anggotanya di Sekbid Informasi, tapi yang jelas ku bersyukur sekali bisa dipilih sebagai partnernya. "Yuk, torang baku pangge apa e? Dorang bahasa so baku pangge 'aner' ... ( Yuk, nama panggilan kita apa nih, anak sekbid bahasa sudah punya panggilan sendiri yaitu 'aner' )" kataku di hari yang lain jauh setelah pelantikan. Dari situ tercetus lah nama Parti alias Partner-Informasi. Aku panggil dia dengan Parti, dia panggil ku pun dengan Parti. Panggilan itu bertahan hingga dua belas tahun kemudian, sampai akhir hayatnya. *** Namanya Yayuk, orang kenalnya dengan nama Yayuk

Travel Through Time to Raijua

Menuju Raijua.. bahkan perjalanannya adalah petualangan tersendiri. Kamu harus terbang ke Kota Kupang (atau Waingapu), tapi saya memilih Kupang, lalu berlayar dengan kapal cepat selama 5-7 jam untuk menuju Pulau Sabu. Sebenarnya ada beberapa pilihan untuk ke Pulau Sabu dari Kupang, yaitu dengan naik pesawat Susi Air selama kurang lebih 55 menit dengan harga sekitar 1,3 juta, atau naik kapal Ferry lambat dengan waktu tempuh selama 12-13 jam seharga Rp 80 - 120rb per orang, atau naik kapal Ferry cepat yang berangkatnya malam dan sampai di Pulau Sabu pagi (jadi kurang lebih 8 jam juga). Kapal cepat harganya berkisar di 200rb-an, saya sendiri memilih naik kapal Cantika Express kelas VIP seharga Rp 262 ribu. Di dalam kelas VIP Kapal Express Cantika, tapi jendelanya terlalu tinggi untuk bisa duduk lihat laut Tenang, ada jaket keselamatan. Tadinya saya mau bawa sendiri karena takut menyeberang selama tujuh jam. Tapi rupanya yang harus lebih dikhawatirkan itu menyeberang dua jam

Camping, for some reason..

Camping is a pretty handful thing. You pack a bag filled with your life for a day or two, all these efforts, all these mess, just to sleep in a stranger's place, inconveniently, without any certainty if the weather will always be clear. Terus terang saya sebetulnya bukan tipe yang bersemangat kalau ada acara kantor yang melibatkan keluarga. Tapi kali ini justru berbeda, pertama kali ajakan camping ini datang, saya langsung iyakan tanpa berpikir terlalu panjang meskipun saya tahu ini melibatkan keluarga. Padahal saya sudah meninggalkan dunia per-camping-an sejak enam tahun lalu, sejak semua peralatan camping saya bagi-bagi ke orang terdekat.  Kami berangkat tanpa kendala yang signifikan, semua lancar, tenang, bahagia, bahkan saya bisa bilang 'I had one of the best sleeps during pandemic' di dalam tenda malam itu. Sebagai seorang single sejati, tentu saya bawa tenda single juga (minjem punya si Ale), which already filled with my bagage (literally). Rasanya familiar ketika mal