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Scene #27

“Its like.. everytime I met someone, everytime it feels right.. he always came back to me. He’s like.. restarted, you know.
I know it doesnt sound right, cause maybe he’s just being nice. Maybe he just wanna help.
But its weird. Way too weird. Way too nice if its for a stranger.. he even hold the door for me before I get into the car. He’s helping me while he was struggling with himself.
They said that if somebody helps you while he’s struggling too.. its not help. It’s love.. right?
But why..?”

“You can’t.. chose him because you were afraid to break his heart. You can’t chose to be with him just because you don’t wanna make him sad.
You did enough. He had enough chance to be with you but he blew it.
Now is the time for you to chose you. You’ve done enough for him. Thank him.. and move on..”

“That’s it! That right there!
Everytime.. you know.. every single time I thank him and tried to move on.. he came back. Better.. and nicer..”

“And then what?!
Then he turned cold again? Leave you hangin’ not knowing where’s your place in his life?
How long do you think its gonna be? How long will you stand for that?
Look.. this..” she made a gesture of a wedding veil “is gonna be a very very long journey. Longer than you could ever imagine. And in this long journey.. there’s no way back. You can’t just stop one day and decided that you had enough. It’s not like that.
This.. is one time decision for a lifetime commitment.
You have to put yourself before your empathy. You have to chose him because of you.
You want him for you. Not to fix him. Or help him.” She move closer to her bestfriend whose started to cry, “Chose him. He’s the one who make you smile when he turned you down. He’s the one who shed some light when he left you in the dark. He’s the one that..”

“But I don’t love him, okay..” she’s sobbing. Her tears fall perfectly to the white sand. Her shoulder shook. “I.. don’t... love him..”

“Yet. But you will. You will love him. I promise”

She took her head, wipe her tears and looked at her bestfriend deep in the eyes..

“How can you be so sure? It’s my feeling we’re talkin about” she says giving more emphasize on my feeling.

“I’m sure because..” she took a deep breathe before continues “love doesn’t work the way you think you love him. Love is a process of getting to know each other, decided to be together, and defining the mutual purpose together. Love grows.. it doesn’t appear like a click. It has to be nurtured, grow stronger, and then weaker and then stronger again, but above all.. its the decision to stay together. That’s love..
You said that you love him since your first met. How do you know he’s the one? If its the click that you followed.. how well do you know your heart back then?
I gotta tell you.. sometimes the heart can be wrong too. Sometimes,. The click is just a false alarm. How clear do you think your heart was when you first saw him?
It could be.. say.. an escape? Something that you need to hold on to in your darkest situation? And you hold on to it because its the only thing that familiar for you in your whole new world?”

A flas of memories came before her eyes. She suddenly remember the day when they first met. He was sitting there, in a dark room, and she turned the light for him. She took a seat in front of him, and start making a conversation which.. he answered with a very short word.

She wasn’t well that day. Her heart was broken, her career was just started when she doesn’t even know where to begin with., she had a major responsibility in her hands and she was.. clueless. Everything was new and unfamiliar until she met him.

She wiped her eyes and said..
“Maybe you right..”

“It’s okay..” her bestfriend took her arm and help her to get up. The sound of the ocean plays music for them “you don’t have to decide until tomorrow. So,. Let’s clear your head now. Don’t make any decision when you were sad..” she smile and take her bestfriend to the ocean.

The waves beneath her feet kinda tickle her and make she laugh. A laugh with tears. She’s still clueless on what’s going on, what should she say.. but the Moon is right there.

A soft Moonlight never cease to calm me, she thinks to her self. I just need to take a little leap of faith. And it has to be based on me. Not anyone else..

“It’s okay. It’s not selfish..” as if she can read her bestfriend mind, she says “it’s self love. You’re gonna need more of that”.

She smile, they laugh.

-
Away from where they stand, a man is watching them. His eyes glued to the woman in tears, who is now smiling and laughing for whatever jokes her bestfriend told her.
He keep praying to his heart that she never.. ever.. chose the other guy.

I love you. Always have. I just cant tell you, yet.

But she never know.

***

Bogor, July 2nd.
I’m writing a novel, and this is one of the scene. And since am writing it in Bahasa, but the scene playing in my head is in English, so whether or not the English was good, I put it down here instead. Lol. I dont care. It sounds right in my head.

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