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Hello, May!

Maybe the reason that I'm #overthemoon is not because of that one genuine question, but because of the fact that I am successfully submitted my scholarship application. I've never been a scholarship girl for my entire life. I never had a chance to get free money when the chance was plenty. I was too stubborn to apply and too lazy to get the ass of my bed during college. So yeah.. even if I am one of those kids in the executive board, or largest adventurer club, or whatever organizations I was involved (which is plenty), I am definitely not one of the scholarships worthy. Document collection, administrative tasks, aren't my things. So yeah.. I'm settled.

But somehow I managed to submit this application. This makes me on top of the mountain by the time I hit the button, and then the question came in, and I fly higher.

The energy remains. And now, after series of disappointment back in office, I have to face my self (again). Struggling with all bad things in my head. Why did she do that? What's on her mind? Does she ever think about it? Does she ever had a heart, or just too stubborn to think and consider of anyone else. But then.. a cinnamon roll and fresh water soothe me. Won't take a long time to calm this fire, babe.


I talk about my self way too much these days. I guess.., dealing with a self-centered guy makes me prioritizing my self more. I almost forgot how to put my need first before others. To be back, I have to write this thing down, and slam the effing door.

Because.. you know.. one can only deal with one thing if she got enough supply for her power. And this one is mine. Talking. Babbling. Writing. Pages of thought.


There is this podcast, that moved me this morning. And this wasn't the talk, like I used to listen on my way to and back from office. This was a pray. A pray that beautifully recited. I got so moved that I played in on repeat for more than 15 minutes. The voice, the tone, and the way he recited this pray.. was so beautiful I can feel hope in it.

That's when I add one more wish list, of what type of husband I wanna be with. I have added love Him, love me, not fat, and now I got one more. They say you will never get what you want until you define what is it that you want. So I'm working thru the list, and its harder than making daily to do list. The pray led my mind back to two years ago, when I woke up that morning, in Southern side of Sumatera, village by the river near the sea. Whenever I see, I see water, and I loved it more than I loved any other villages I have visited. That's when I know, what kind of retirement place I want.

I am too full of dream. I took a personality test, and it says that I'm a dreamer which I don't deny.
I have to keep the kid in me, I won't let her go no matter how many birthdays I'll have.

Bogor, May 2nd
Hello May.


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