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Two things I’m really not good at

Room full of chatter. My mind cant proceed with over load information. One thing I’d understand, is that they think singleton is miserable.

I dont argue that. Naturally human needs company, someone to love and be loved. But that doesnt make singleton as miserable as they think, instead., singleton is the best way to love one self before another. Only happy people can do that.

Little did they know, we all will be alone eventually. Even if we end up together with our loved one until old and grey, there are more probability that we will end up hating each other. Or at least that’s what I see from my grandma and grandpa. They never have anything to argue for. One opinion from my grandmother, is ten rebuttal from my grandfather. And not in a nice way.

Relationship that was once built from love, could be gone within second. Kids., that we nurture since they were seeds, will eventually chose job over their parents. Busy week at work, can’t make it to the hospital in time, no phone call because nothing to talk about and office is more important. Kids will grow up and have their own family to take care. They’ll come and visit once in a while, AFTER they settle the job.

I understand that marriage is important. (Now I understand it more since my grandfather wants to see his birth town in Solo and none could take him there, unless me but I have no power to handle the drive and the old man one at a time). But getting married doesn’t mean you’ll stop being alone. It won’t make you feel less lonely, because none can. You still can get lonely and miserable even in marriage. Dude, that happen a lot. Getting married just to feel less alone, is the most miserable reason of all. You need to take care of your heart first before giving it to somebody else.

I have a weird way on dealing with families. Not really good, because all the thing I’m good at, is being a loner. I can cover that up in front of most people, to be less of a loner, but at the end of the day, when the sun is set, I demand my space.

Do you know what else is annoyingly weird? Box of motion pictures called: tv. I hate that thing (unless its a world cup match). I hate all those stupid soap opera. Did you know what soap opera do to the teenager in remote area of Central Kalimantan? They barely have electricity unless if they can afford a generator which will on at night. They watch this soap opera, and they demand their parents to buy them big bike; just like on tv. 

The parents bought them anyway. With loan.

***
I have too much in my head. Too much to share that I cant share it all.
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Pamanukan, April 5th
Only this time I really wish I have a husband who can take my grandpa to Solo with me. 

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