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In Hardship

What do you do when in hardship?
What trouble could you get in this life?
These past few years I’ve been learnt that most people are searching for something in common: happiness. The pursuit of happiness came in so many forms. Concert, night life, meditation, travel, gym.. all in search for one thing: peace.

People want to be happy.

Little did I know.. (and I take it from one of Nouman Ali Khan’s video), that the pursuit of happiness is the lowest level of pursue. The next level would be the pursuit of coolness. Then richness. Then meaning. But in Islam, we have been taught that the real pursue.. is the pursuit it self.

Meaning, that what we’re actually searching in this life is the road to Allah. And if the road is the search.. then we’ll be searching for the whole life. In that road, we’ll find new things everytime. Even in the things that we think we know, we’ll find something amazing that we didn’t know before.

That’s the beauty of pursuing the pursuit. We won’t stop.

People who are busy with them self, will have no time complaining about others. Why? Because the pursuit, is hard enough to them, that they think about it all the time. Here read this carefully.

In search of the road to Allah, as a slave we want to make our Master happy, right? And for that, we have to do everything that makes HIM happy, we find out what are the things that make Him happy, and avoid things that He hates. Then we know that Allah is happy when His slave is praying to Him. But what happened when we pray? We’re so hard to focusing our mind. The mind is suddenly have zillions of pop -up ads which makes us forget to remember Him during the pray. That’s when we started our battle with our self. To ignore the voices in our head and keep it altogether in remembrance of Allah. It happens for only five or fifteen minutes a day.

What about the other? Allah loves if His slave doing good deeds. And we do good deeds for Him. We give money to the beggar., and our heart start yelling ‘yay! I’m doing some charity, Allah loves me now, I’m a good person. I’m doing better than fulan and fulan’. And we tried our best to shut that voices up. Inside our heart we were like ‘shut up! You shouldn’t think less of others. You shouldn’t think that this is the best deed that Allah loves. This is NOTHING. Listen to me. It’s NOTHING!’ And you keep convincing your self to stay humble and stay on track.

For that one good deed, we have so many struggle inside. People who are busy with them self, will have no time commenting other people good deed. Because they’re not sure with their own good deed. Is it good? Is it beneficial? Is it really without riya’? Am I ujub now? Does this good deed make think less of other? Does thid good deed create arogance in my heart? Oh I don’t wanna feel like a saint but I’m proud of my self by doing that good deed..

On and on. The mind are busy telling you’re awesome, solih, and ikhlaas, but the heart sshhhh you hard.

And this is the beauty of hardship. Do you know why kids are learning fast? Because they find hardship every second.

They can’t speak so they learn to speak. They can reach the top of the cupboard so they started to jump. They can’t count one two three so they learn physics mathematics. Until they reach the age of twenty, life is hard to them so they keep learning, adapting, and repeat.

What happen after twenty? They think they could do everything. Now are things easy, they need to learn deeper. Not just physical stuff on how to open the bottle with your teeth, but why they have to open the bottle with their teeth. And these lesson about meaning, won’t come if there is no difficulty.

So now, people who are in search of happiness, are actually children who’s about to be taught about something. If they know that the trouble they face is to bring them closer to the meaning of their existence in this Earth, they will be thankful to have it.

There is no such thing as easy life. Difficulties will always come in different forms. One step to the other when you have achieved goal after goal, there must be hardship to overcome. So if now you’re wanting something that isn’t real yet, just relax. This might be one trial, but having it come true, will bring you another level of trial. Just make sure you prepare your self right while embracing this one. The walls won’t be high enough for you to climb.

Today I came home unhappy. I was happy all day, but when I was home, seems like the wall of happiness I built since morning were destroyed.

I started my day baking. Make some ginger soft cookies, went to the office in a cloudy yet cold air, buy my self a huge portion of siomay, buy my friend’s daughter and son gift for each other (I always love to buy baby stuff, so when I found something cute to death, and I have someone who could actually use that, the happiness are triple!) and went to the material store after office. All goes well until I have to pay another cans of paint and went home to the UNEXPECTED COLORS. 

The Crimson Red that I’ve searched for two hours, searching and considering and reviewing, and finally buy the most expensive paint for this is categorized as exclusive colours.. ARE FAILED.

I found my house in a bright red tone instead of Crimson Red. I almost cry knowing that if its gonna be this red, I will buy that one normal red with normal price instead.

So I get to the house., squat, and cry while Adzan Maghrib is in the air.

Three hours later I clean the entire house. Declutter,, take all of the boxes out, sort my stuff and throw some stuff.
All until 23.36 when I write this post.

I’m feeling better now so I hope I could sleep.
Thank you for reading all my posts.

Bogor, January 24th. 00.05
I still hope that the colour red is because they only put two layers on it. Supposedly three.


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