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About a Wedding

I must admit that I almost got married three years ago. The relationship was failed, he left,  and now happily married. The choice that crushed me down, but I’m forever grateful that it happened.

The wedding preparation was went for three months, we decided to called it off one month before.. and here’s what I learnt:

Unhappy couple tend to make the most of their wedding party, even if they had to make a loan, they will do. They’ll do everything to please every eyes in the room, pay great amount of decoration, wedding cake, dresses. Things will be different to the couple who actually got the money. I’m not talking about them here, I’m talking about the who don’t have the money but try their best to have the greatest party.

I realised this after three years, that I wasn’t happy at all. I didn’t even know how to be happy., because all I know was pleasing everyone. As long as the people are happy, I am happy. And that was exhausting. That wasn’t the kind of happiness that I have now. 

Of course I didn’t have any money. I was a student, who were about to graduate in two months when the wedding was planned. I had a side job in a documentary studio, but it didn’t pay as much as my father ‘paid’ me. (Oh how I love being my father daughter).. the salary was enough for me to have title ‘earn money by her self before graduate’. But I wanted a great party. Not Tasya Farasya great, but ‘great’ great party.

I cry to my father when he refused to give me some money for the decoration which was totaly unreasonable price.
I cry to my boyfriend when he said he couldn’t give me the party that I want.
I cry to everything that I think I deserve the party but I didn’t. 
I used to think that we only got married once, and we can always make money. So its okay to have a great party.

But now..
As for being minimalist, I looked back and think., and ask my self..

‘Was that party really for me?’
‘Was spending all that money are worthy enough to make me happy?’
‘Was that party really for me?’

And the answer is.. NO. Big No.
That’s when I knew, when people force to have something just to show other people that they have it.. its the sign of unhappiness. And its dangerous. It could lead to depression. Trying our best to show off, with things we dont actually have, and having the crowd and attention for a second and after a minute.. poof! They gone. People will forget, and the spotlight is off. What was left for us then?

Today I bake at ten pm. Bake before bed has become my sleeping escape, the when I can’t sleep so I need to distract my mind. All while cleaning some side of the house, and slowly decluttering.

That is when I was thinking about the whole idea of mariage. What does it for?

Of course I still want it.. the failed relationship didn’t make me hate any men.. even better. I know how to love now and I keep it for the one. Lol.

But really.. why do we want to get married?
If its for love.. the love will fade in three, five, ten years. If its for sex, the spark will be gone after three years (research says).

And after got married we do want a kid. And again and again and again. And suddenly we have no time for our self.

So..

What I’m trying to say here is.. wanting a wedding and wanting a marriage are two different things. One is temporary and the other is semi permanent. Wanting a wedding will make you focused on the party. What dress will you wear, what is the tone colour, what is the party theme, the music, who’s gotta be the band, who’s the presenter, and all small details like wedding favor ad children play corner.

But when you focus on the marriage, you won’t care how the party is gonna be. You wouldn’t mind if its just a simple yard party in your grandparent house. You will only focus on becoming a better person, becoming a better and serving wife or husband, and all good things that improve your quality. The heck with the party, if you got money you’ll hire wedding organizer anyway. 

***
Dont mistake simplicity with inexpensivity (is that even a a word?)

Not everything that is simple.. are cheap. Sometimes, the simplest one is actually the most expensive. Trust me. I’ve been through all home decor and furniture store and the simplest things with the simplest design has its not-simplest price.

But you can always.. always make something elegant in an affordable ways. Creativity is the key.
Becoming minimalist also means improving creativity. A creative parents will have creative children. And in the future, creative children win.

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