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Don't Follow the Butterfly

She wrote a worldwide best selling book. She gave speech about how a woman should believe in them self. She posts instagram with motivational words no woman can't deny. She was an inspiration. She was the moral compass. She was.. until now. 


Two years ago, I was struggling to put my life back together. Like a turtle lost it's shell, I was vulnerable and confused. I spent the day thinking, the nights crying, and the morning worrying. Seriously, my past two years was a disaster. 

Then I found this talk. A thin woman wearing hijab, talked about how woman supposed to fight for them self. to believe in them self, and to never let any man put down the crown. 

A fragile version of me.. took those words deep at heart. Struggling to stand up again, I was burnt by the quotes that 'every great man has a woman behind his back, but every great woman only have her self'. That.. is when I denied all the fact that I need a man to be with. I was so insecure about my love life (that the boyfriend left this wound and it takes years to heal), so I convinced my self that I don't need man, at all. That's because I was too afraid that no man will ever love me again. 

Two years believing on that lies. Najwa Zebian and her posts were strengthen me and make me believe that every woman can do her own things. Build her own kingdom, without needing a man to obey. 

"I don't need a man. I'm better on my own" I said in every occasion where the family asked why I don't have a date (let alone make them stay). 

Well, now that I can say.. that's not true. And Najwa.. fail me. Big time.


If a woman thinks she's smart, powerful, and have a strong mind to fight man's battle. Maybe.. she doesn't see the picture big enough. A woman can be powerful, and super smart. But in a real world, woman actually never had the same portion of trust as man. 

You can be so proud that you're the first chair-woman in your department. But isn't that insulting? A Chairman, or Head of Department, is a common position for someone whose in power. It changes every five or ten years, and if you happen to be one of them, and they praise for being a chair-woman, it's like they congratulate your tribe for finally be able to conquer one-common-position.

Can you see my point, already?

Yes, we can be smart. Yes we can rule. But never be as smart as man could have. The way man and woman think, is a total different. Man was designed to think at one particular event at the most precise and considerable when he finally got to make the decision, but woman was designed to think multiple things at one time which make them hard to make good decision.

And why is that?

As from the start, where the stars were first bump into each other (known as Big Bang), the world was created to be inhabited by human (in one tiny marble-planet). Man and woman, were made to complete each other. And by completing, means fulfilling different task. Man, was meant to be the leader on Earth. And Woman, was meant to accompany him. 

The leader must made decision. And therefore, The Creator Creates their brain to think, analyse, and taking the risk. While the companion, must fulfilling his need, and therefore, her  brain was made to make sure everything are set on the table. Every-single-basic-need; food, cloth, clean house, clean bed. 

So it's not special if woman can do multitask and man can't. Because that's how it supposed to be. Don't be so proud, if you are a multitasking momma. Every woman are. 

At work, no matter how smart a woman is, their word could never be heard as loud as man's. Even if they act like they listen to them carefully, praising, clapping, wow-ing, still.. deep in their heart.. they have this judgment about 'what does she know'.

Sometimes they involved a woman in a project, not because of her skill, but because she's a woman, and woman might be useful in calming the situation down. She could calm the storm, not because of her words, but because of her voice (see the difference?). She's like a shield, from anger, not because she's capable on mediating some conflict, but because man have integrity on not attacking woman in public. 

Sure, if that's what the feminist's definition of equality, then I don't wanna be equal. 

You're not meant to be in this outside-world. Like how Najwa Zebian wants to inspired the world with her words, and ends up fall for a western guy who totally change her (and she's mad at people who put negative comment in her post because she took of her hijab). She said 'if you follow me because of my hijab, not because of my word, then you don't see the real value of me'.

Hear, Sis. 

I... was following you because you are a woman. In case that you spread positivity, it shines brighter because you're a woman. Maybe if you're just an ordinary writer man, and tell the world about how woman should fight her own battle, people will just ignore you the way they ignore Kahlil Gibran in 2018. But here again, what makes you special is, your gender and your hijab. 

And when you say don't let any man put down your crown, but then you take off the hijab for a western boyfriend,. Well..


It is true that woman should stand on her own feet. But not to deny the presence of a man beside her. She should be able to stand, because she will carry his world with her too. She'll be the navigator, the one to lie on, power source of man's life. She will need her man, to help her in one or two things, but she should be able to fix her own problem, because her man will need her to help the world's problem. It is true that woman should be strong and smart and sexy because she will give birth to future generation, and those generation need a reliable mother. As their moral compass, guidance angel, to determine which is right or wrong before the children can determine their own life.

Woman should be strong, and super smart, but not for her. Not for her career, not for her salary, not for her popularity. It's all for her family. 

Woman is a stake of the family. The absence of a mother in the house, will distract the children to world's direction. The husband will need to take care the house, and with his incapability of multitask, he get distracted from work and all responsibility he supposed to carry.

If you think you waste your degree for being just a housewife, maybe you should go back to 1880's where women were taught about ethics and manners. 

This isn't about how unfair the world to woman's freedom. This is about how you contribute to the world in the most significant way; helping the husband up, raising the children. A great man can conquer the world, and only great woman can help him got the way.

But no story of a great woman conquering the world, unless she's a Queen of England and she was born to that. 

If you give me articles or biography about inventories from great women, I will have tons of rebuttal. Try me.

Yes, dear. We can't compete with man. Because that's not how we made. Not to be his competitor, but to be his best friend. his allies, side by side, helping him fixing the world, leading the way. 

You want equality, but you demand a day off at first to second day of period. 
You want equality, but you demand a special treatment in public transportation.

It's not equality you need, it's singularity.


The only career that made for a woman is being a mother to her children, and a wife to her husband. Once she failed, but she managed to be a whatever leader in the world, she's still a failure. She fail to build a generation of her own. She fail to elevate a leader beside her. She fail to conquer her own ego. She let her ambition and selfishness consume her mind that she won't go to college for nothing. She fail.. to make a sacrifice (which a symbol of ancient real woman).


Love is now overrated. Woman is desperately finding her self, that if she can't get her love, she'll get her career. By chasing career and forgetting to fall in love, woman is actually in denial. She's lonely, but she's too high to admit it. So she said 'I don't need him anyway'. One lead to another, a wound need to be filled, she started to seeing everybody. Every man possible who come closer. She's lonely, so she could use some company. Being with a man, who doesn't even her to begin with, is not the kind of healing. It's torturing. (Not to mention the sin..)


To whoever woman who read this..

Consider your self a special, if you have a man who loved you unconditionally. Consider your highest achievement is your little family, having enough to eat, happy and sleep in a decent and clean room. 
It's not your career that makes you who you are. It's the people who loved you. Because that's what woman was made.. to be loved. 

We're here to lift them up. The man, no matter how you think you're smarter than them, is never lower than you. Their mind is unique, and could create some idea you never think about. That's my dear.. is the new kind of intelligence you don't possess. 

Don't believe if they say you only need your self, and man is incapable of anything. 
You are special, and so are they. Together, you build a special team, the world is willing to see. You're powerful, and so is he. Together, you both could be a powerful team, that the world is willing to have. 


Two years ago, I loved Najwa Zebian because I was fragile and losing my mind. As for now I get my sanity back, I started to the flaw. We tend to love something because it has something in common with us, right? And that maybe it. Fragile, and lose her mind.


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