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The Pink House

This post might be too sentimental.

***

I came back to the house, I thought I'm okay with that. Just like any other house I have lived before, it will give me a glance memory, and that's it. But not today.. as I'm standing there.. inside The Pink House.

***

I have been too many things for these past two years. Things that changed me, and I could never go back to where I used to. People may know an old version of me, so I better close the door for them. As they won't recognize this version anymore. They will laugh while pointing their fingers at me, telling me I'm overwhelming things. 

Heartbreak.. being left alone.. huge change in life.. career stairs.. you tell me what to not change when somebody is going thru that much. 

A person who I thought would die for me.. left me.
A best friend who I thought ingeniously loved me.. betray me. 
A partner, who I thought is the one to talk about everything with.. stabbed me. 

I can't tell you how much I learn from this past two years, but the time I learn the most.. is when I moved to that Pink House. 

Oh.. 

Let me tell you why I moved in the first place. 

Or.. should I?

No. You don't want to know. 

***

That Pink House has taught me so many things. Made me realised the world so much more by giving me roof and wall to hide. 

I've never get so comfortable staying in the same house with stranger before. I've never get a real close friends, no. I always shut the door whenever people are getting too close. And sharing a house with somebody else, was never crossed my mind. 

I always be the out-cirlce one. Since Elementary school. A new kid who came from Bogor. A kid who got car accident. A kid who wear Hijab. All until Middle School. 

Then in High School.. as the kid who came from Eastern Indonesia. a weirdo with weird laugh. 

I have lots of friends for the day, and stay away from crowded every night. 
But in this pink house? I've gotta share the roof all day and night with a housemate, who's happen to have that click with me. 

O yea, sure I learn a lot how to deal with 'other person' in the house. As I always be in my room whenever I came to my parents house. I locked the door, and busy with my papers and clipping, and novels. 

The Pink House has taught me.. that it's okay to share. 

I came back to the house, to take the rest of my stuff. As if it tried to say goodbye, the House gave me this feeling.. the feeling to look at it once again. And said.. 'Hey.. look at you. how much you have changed'. 

I know pain. from the house. 
I know silence. from the house.
I know people. from the house. 

I learn not to share. because of the house.
I learn to keep things for my self. because of the house.
I learn to embrace changes. because of the house.

***

There's nothing like 'too good to be true'. God has the Most Beautiful creation you have never expected before. Six Months later, I moved in to my House. Maybe if I didn't move to That Pink House, I'd still live in that rotten room in the backyard of  a whitey house. 

Six months later, suddenly I got moved to another building of the office. A new start. A fresh one. A new room, without clutter. Empty. It's an empty room that I'm more than happy to live in. In a week, we're gonna have a vacation. The one I dreamt about when I first started to work here; 'what does it feel like to have a vacation with these people in my hometown?' (Ya. I call it my hometown, as I need to claim one of the town as 'home'). Two years later, it comes true.

God doesn't have 'too good to be true'. It is what it is when He wants it to be. 

***

For all the people who is struggling to face changes, I pray that you might find peace in between your anxious mind. Have faith that change is for good. Things happen for a reason, and one day you'll find out how these dots should be connected. A struggle that you face now, is the way to shape you sharper, brighter, stronger. Don't lose faith, for darkness won't lasts forever. 

If we would open our eyes, to see things we never seen, to notice the details of universe gave, you would surprised on what you're gonna find. Just believe that every little dreams that accidentally crossed your head, can come true. One day when you don't realise, suddenly it comes to you. Maybe you don't even remember that you ever wished that for. But it is. 

The world has beauty to those who deserve. The beauty, beyond compare.

***

Oh. So you still wanna know why did I move?

Well, 
A silly heartbreak from one silly post, picturing a woman's smile in sincere and happiness with her eyes closed. 
And why did it breaks me so much? 
Because it came unexpectedly, I wasn't prepared to see that. I have expectation, and it turns out to be wrong. Thinking I was special, but I'm not. 
That's when I learned.. you can never fall in love to a person, and put your hope on. Only God Who Deserve, until He sends you the right one. For you. Until then..

I entrusted the love to The One Who Own Love. 

But I'm glad that this time.. the pain didn't do any damage to me. When it first hit.. I didn't cry because it was too hurt. I pray instead. Put my head down on the ground, and pray. In silence, I whisper God to never ever do this to me again. To never felt this way again. To protect my heart from longing someone who's might not for me. 

The pain that that silly thing gave, was the best thing so far. A triggered for me to moved out. To meet the Pink House, and a Housemate. To learn how to live the real life, embracing adult responsibilities in silence. 

I should thank them both. The Post, and The House. But The House will have bigger portion. 

I am glad, that maybe one day I'll look back and say.. 'thank God, I've ever lived in that house. Now, it's all make sense'

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