Career? Hmm.. I think so. For two years now, I've been working on a consulting company for sustainability on plantation (palm oil or forest industry). It was so exciting and totally an amazing journey.
If I look back at the beginning of 2017, I've been traveling for every month. Every damn month, including that one month I've visited four different airports in one go. I was overwhelmingly happy, and nothing can pay me more but this job.
This is the best thing that ever happened to me until now.
This is what I've been searching for.
This is what I've dreamt of all these time.
I sacrificed almost everything to get here, to excel in this position as a junior assessor and project officer. I read a lot. I learn, I watch, I observe. All for one goal: be the best.
I travelled thru Palembang, Kalimantan, Porsea- Lake Toba, West Kalimantan (Sintang, Kuburaya, Ambalau, Serawai, Sekadau), Central Kalimantan (Sampit, East Kotawaringin, West Kotawaringin), and East Kalimantan (East Kutai and Berau-Batuputih). I see different places, met people, talk to them, listen to their grieve, and all complains about how unfair life is.
Until I found minimalism, I haven't yet found the real 'hikmah' for all things I see. Still like a scattered dot to connect.
Hikmah, in Islam, is the ability to take lesson of what our faith has brought. Only healthy-minded people can understand the feel of 'hikmah'. This is a clear understanding, to calming a soul, and hard to describe. Because when one teach another about hikmah, it sounds.. Cliché.
***
What minimalism has brought to my career is.. I realised that this isn't real. The career, the ambition, is not for me. I'll keep running and not going anywhere (just like Mila said). I won't get the things I need the most: baby. I won't have kids by marrying my job (unless the baby picts in instagram which I have so much time to waste on).
So I started to detaching my self, to the things I love the most for the sake of the things I need the most.
Minimalism teach me on how to understand my self, thru some practice when I go shopping.
"Do I really need this? Or do I just want this?"
"What do I need?"
"What do I want?"
"Define the need and the want"
I have lots and lots of dialogue in my head, with my self. that's when I know what I want.
And how to achieve that?
How to have baby when I have no idea with whom I can have baby with (please don't be a dirty minded -_-).
I always be the person who knows what she wants, and how to achieve it. But this time? I really have no idea how to make it true.
That's when minimalism come in handy.
In this emptiness, empty from cluttered, or in this discarding time, I learn one most beautiful lesson about letting go: have faith.
We often scared to lose something because we fear the void. We fear of something missing and not knowing if the hole will be replaced or not. And minimalism ensure us to have faith in our self, that we feel complete even without those stuff. Even when we only live with 30 pair of clothes, we can still make the most of it and feel, complete.
There I begin..
To feel complete with my self even without my busy schedule of work-trip. To build my own dream, and not chasing somebody else's dream.
I know when we feel content with our self, the love we've been searching for, will come by him self. In a whole and complete heart of his own. So the two of you, are the two whole-hearted person who feel comfortable and enjoying each other. NOT depending on each other.
That sounds awesome, right?
***
Slowly detaching.
I will stop running and chasing the flight schedule. I will miss these long road trips and river trips. I will miss every adventure that begins with one hello.
This is the hardest part of letting go. But..
Can you imagine what the heart can do when she's able to detach something she love the most?
***
I believe in miracle. It happened almost every time of our life. So if you believe in God, you do believe in what He is Capable of. He doesn't sleep, and indeed He doesn''t ignore.
He knows what we need, and He knows when to give us that thing we need. So be ready! Tomorrow is yours!
Comments
Post a comment