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Tuning in the Universe

"Please don't see
Just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies
Please see me
Reaching out for someone I can't see

Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand
I'll be damned, Cupid's demanding back his arrow
So let's get drunk on our tears"


"This song invokes constellations, astrological signs (Aries and Leo), a story between a sheep and lion representing two lovers. Their love seemed ideal, as compatible together as Aries and Leo in horoscopes, but this song is more about separation of two lovers when they were young ("I thought I heard you out there crying"). The singer now wonders if there can be reconciliation ("Just the same"). 

No matter the differences between two people, can it ever be that they can still love each other? Or as referenced from the Bible, that a lion lie down with a lamb? ("Lion kiss a deer")

Young love can have partners that are selfish, too idealistic, and believing in fate without compromising. Sometimes the initial attraction doesn't lead to much else. (Or still, when compromising partners want too different things to be together). 

When he is older, the singer realizes that the relationship he had before was great, and that a truly ideal lover is rare to find. If fate comes once in a million years, the lambs who are "searching for meaning" are wasting their youth trying to find it. They are running from the differences (running from lions or the "hunting season") when they should actually make compromises. 

This is the common mistake that people make, and become like lost stars. I like to think that only a few lucky stars in the sky belong in a constellation, who have met fate, and that the numerous rest of us are just shining. 

And does it really matter? You can barely tell apart a constellation from the rest of the stars. The lesson is that there is happiness in love even when it's not perfect."


Pesan ini dikirim oleh housemate saya (Well, Hello sis! :p) yang diambil dari situs ini, hari Selasa kemarin selepas konsultasi publik di Kalimantan Timur. Konsultasi Publik bagi seorang assessor HCV adalah hal paling melegakan, bukan hanya karena momen ini menandakan selesainya satu proses assessment, tapi juga sebagai penutup segala kekhawatiran (siapa yang jamin konsultasi publik akan selalu berlangsung damai tentram, kan. Bisa saja ada yang protes, ngamuk dan demo karena merasa haknya di ambil oleh perusahaan. who knows).

Ketika pesan ini masuk ke ponsel, saya hanya mengerutkan kening, tersenyum dan membalas singkat dengan 'will read later'.


"Who are we?
Just a speck of dust within the galaxy?
Woe is me
If we're not careful turns into reality"

Did someone not tell you there's a meteor-rain tonight up in the sky? Yeah. Too bad I'm now in Bogor, a cloudy town. Unlike Kalimantan which still have a sky full of stars. 

Saat terjebak di tengah-tengah kebun sawit akibat banjir dimana-mana seminggu yang lalu, saya menyempatkan diri mendongak ke atas. Taburan bintang cerah dan padat sekali. Sebetulnya jika diijinkan saya ingin tinggal saja disana, duduk tepat di bawah langit, mendongak tanpa henti, tanpa perlu berkata apapun karena indah itu hanya bisa dirasakan, bukan diungkapkan. 


Mungkin benar, sesekali kita perlu bertanya siapa kita? dan menghabiskan waktu sendirian untuk berpikir, memikirkan jawabannya. Untuk apa kita dilahirkan? Kemana setelah ini kita pergi? 

Sebagian yang memilih menganut agama, tentu akan menjawab adanya akhirat, saya pun percaya itu, meskipun kehadirannya masih abstrak. Lalu jika memang kita ditakdirkan untuk pergi ke tempat semula (kembali), lantas untuk apa proses hidup di dunia yang sekarang kita jalani ini? Seolah sendirian, menjadi satu-satunya planet berpenghuni di tengah Maha Luasnya Sang Semesta.

Proses seleksi kah?

Ya, atau jangan-jangan kita memang tengah diseleksi untuk nanti akan menghuni bagian mana; surga atau neraka. Hanya ada dua pilihan itu sepanjang yang saya yakini. Jika pada ujungnya akan kembali ke sana, lantas untuk apa semua hal di dunia ini kita fokuskan dan utamakan?

Jika sempurna yang kita cari, then we'll spend forever looking for it in this temporary world. Why perfect if it won't last. 


Ada bermacam cara menghadirkan bahagia, dan terkadang itu tidak susah. Seperti seorang kawan lama saya yang kini tinggal di Bandung, yang beberapa kali tiba-tiba menelpon menggunakan fitur video call hanya untuk menertawakan perasaan tidak menentu. Bagi seorang middle twenties, these two years are the biggest intersection in life. Where people are coming and going, and the wheel keeps on spinning. 

Things changes fast, and before we know it, people we used to know, are no longer the same. This is changing too fast, so fast that we can wake up different each day. 

In the intersection, we keep on choosing. Chose things that really matter to us. Opting out some unnecessary options, even it means eliminating people who used to be our chatting partner everyday. 

Part of growing up, is a constant changes. You can play it safe, stay still and not going anywhere. Stay on the job you had since you graduate, and never leave the town for a better one. But people around you will. They'll leave, they'll change, and one day you'll realize that even if you stay the same, they don't. 

Loneliness is an emotional killer. It helps you act crazy without you realizing it. Loneliness lead people to sacrifice their dignity for a temporary accompany. This is why none ever told you this before; the ultimate power one should possess is to learn how to be alone. 

This is a lack of empathy world we're living in. People will only understand what you say and refuse to dig deeper. Codes, are no longer our language. Unlike the old times when symbols are sacred, and honor planted in relics. 


There's a symbol of Dragon tonight in my sky. I've been thinking about things that might not mine and once again I learn to deal with it, to let it go. Letting go has become part of my solution, almost in every situation. Even when I kinda feeling overwhelmed about work, I started to discarding. Old Clothes, Old stuff. Never knew it that I've grew some clutter around me for the last three months. 

We're all pretty occupied with our job, that we forget to look around. 

Where are we? 
Have we reach the goal?
Have we even set the goal?

Let alone thinking of other people, we even forget to think about our self.

So tonight, as for the Dragon Sky is still unseen and cloudy, I want to remind you all, that this.. is all temporary. You can have your sorrow, your anxiety, and your regret. But remember, in the end.. it doesn't even matter. What matter is, all the kindness that you give, without expect anything in return.


"But don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page, maybe we'll find a brand new ending
Where we're dancing in our tears

And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?"


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About being a strong woman.,

My product(s) are a means to show people that we could and should be happy in wherever we are, in whatever the circumstances. As a single person battling with all the worryness of who am I gonna end up with while dealing with work and life, I must admit that I am strong enough to do it all alone. Including being obedient to difficult father and grandfather. I am strong. But at the end of the day, when I got home after a very long Sunday and clean my self with cold water.. I still wish that I have somebody in this house... to open the hair serum for me. :( Kenceng banget 15 menit nyoba buka tutupnya gabisa2